It's Not About Me

As you may well expect, as a youth pastor, I am subscribed to a smattering of youth ministry related resources that do everything from advertising material, to sharing testimonies, discussing popular culture, and giving tips on dealing with teenagers.

I understand that not everything I get will always be Biblically based and doctrinally sound. Many of these resources are used mostly for games, illustrations, etc. - the kind of stuff, I generally don't care about but that youth enjoy. I rarely go to them for lesson material. I have specific trusted sources for that, first and foremost being the Bible. However, every now and then I come across something that just strikes me as utterly ridiculous.

The title of an article I recently received by email was, "Ways to Know if Teens Are Connecting with You." As you might expect, I would prefer to know I am making a difference in the lives of my students, so I actually stopped to read it.

Here is the opening paragraph:

"As youth ministers, we often wonder if we are making a difference
among our teens. Usually we have to wait several years to see if
they become strong Christians, but what about now? Where does our
instant gratification come from?"

Hold on! "Our instant gratification?"
I'm really trying to not sound overly pious here, but right out of the gate we have a grossly misplaced sense of priorities. I love every student God has placed in my care. In my younger years, as a tutor, there was hardly a more satisfying moment than when a student had that "ah ha!" moment. I love that! And do I want to experience that? Of course I do. But it's not a priority. Its true that your preachers, ministers and pastors need some encouragement, and you should give it, but it's not why we do what we do.

"Do your teens take your advice? What a great feeling it is when a
teen walks up to you and says, "I need your advice on something."
Man, what a breakthrough moment! What a feeling of accomplishment.
They trust your judgment."

I don't want them to trust my judgment. I did a right fine job of screwing up my own life, thank you very much. Don't look to ME for your sound judgment.

I plead with my students to test everything they hear and read from teachers and preachers against the Bible. The only promise I can make to my students is that I WILL fail them, disappoint them, and possibly lead them astray on something. Don't trust MY judgment.

Trust the Word of God and the discerning of the Holy Spirit in you.

"Do your teens spend time with you? At youth group, or any other
event, do your teens just sit around and hang out with you? Have
you noticed that when you are sitting alone that some may walk over
and just sit with you? Have they invited you to one of their
special events? Take notice, this is important."
The best teacher I ever had was a tyrant. Yeah, we had interesting lessons in his history class (or maybe I'm just a nerd like that), but the man handed out loads of daily homework like candy on Halloween.  He was a strict disciplinarian in his classroom, and had zero tolerance and no mercy. In algebra, taking shortcuts in your math got the whole problem marked wrong, even if you got it right. In history, we had pages and pages of detailed outlines, that were strictly graded on their format, not just their content.

This was not a man that teenagers were lining up to hang out with. But we learned. His job was to teach us that material, and to this day I can solve equations of polynomials with multiple variables faster with scratch paper than with a calculator. Why? Because he was more interested in doing his job than in being our friend.

My "job" is to teach the Word of God and to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Not to have kids want to come hang out with me.

"You really connect with your group when you notice that they laugh
when you laugh and they hurt when you hurt."

Taken as a whole, what I see being described is a list of how to know if your students like you. I was never the cool kid. Even when I was a kid. I'm white and nerdy to the core. I will never be the hip and cool youth pastor. It's not me.

We all want to be liked. We all want to be thought of as cool, or smart, or wise, or ... whatever it is that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. If that's what "connecting with my youth" looks like, then count me out.

YES, if there is a personal connection it is better and easier for the more compassionate and counseling aspects of pastoral ministry. But I have experienced and seen too much in youth and college ministries to see that "connection" turn into a cult of personality. If my students' "connection" with me in any way hinders their connection to Christ, then I have failed them. They don't need to connect with ME, they need a connection with their Lord and Savior. I'm just the messenger. I'm just His emissary.

Lord, please do not let me or my desires to be liked or be "cool" get in the way of ANY of these students being connected to YOU.

John 3:30
"He must increase, but I must decrease."