I Feel better Knowing It's Worse Than I Think

I have had multiple conversations in the last 24 hours all centering around negative self-image, low self-esteem, and being treated as "bad" or "worthless". My response in these conversations is something akin to what theologians call the Doctrine of Total Depravity, and it is one of the most comforting and reassuring Biblical principles I have ever run in to.

We are sinners.

We are not good people who sometimes do bad things called "sins" ... we ARE sinners. It is who we are. It is part of our nature and our making. We are broken, flawed, corrupt, pride-filled, self-centered, narcissistic people who are in love with ourselves and who's natural bent is to only want the things that make us feel good right now.

When we look at our public life and think we are worthless or don't match up, or when others see the us we are in public and treat us as not good enough .... stop and honestly think for a moment. What if they ALSO knew your inner thoughts and feelings? If we could record all of your thoughts, daydreams and feelings and project them up on a jumbotron for people to gather and watch, would you want to be in the room? No way! None of us would.

Why not? Because as bad as we may feel or look on the outside, let's be honest, .. it gets much darker and uglier on the inside.

So, if I know this about me, and someone says through word, implication, body language or behavior something negative, insulting or offensive about me, my response can honestly be, "You don't even know the alf of it!" "You think I'm a jerk? Dude, you should have heard what I WANTED to say!"

So I don't measure up to the standards or expectations of others ... or even myself? So what? I DAILY fail and fall short of the standard of the Creator of the universe. Something is very very wrong in me. Somethig is broken. Something is flawed. I don't want the things I should want. I don't do the things I should do.

I let you down or offended you? I let myself down? Big deal, what's that compared to God whom I let down, insult and defame on a regular basis? My Creator made me for a purpose, and I am broken and don't fulfill that purpose.

Wow, that's depressing. How does this make you feel good?

However bad or low someone else makes me feel ... or I make myself feel ... I know I deserve far worse and far more redicule and scorn than I am getting. Especially from God. Because God doesn't give me what I deserve. Through Jesus Christ He gives me Grace and Mercy and Love and Peace. Not because I earned it or deserve it or have anything to offer Him in return. Simply because He's God. And that's just how He is. He give Grace to the humble (James 4:6). But He opposes the proud.

Pride is what puffs us up and wants a higher self-image than we deserve.

Someone insults or mocks me or depression wants to take me ... "Yeah, I know. You're right. I'm actually worse than you think, but I'm trying to be better. I'm not there yet, but God's working with me, and He loves me. .... ME! He loves me! How crazy is that?!"